Sunday, January 13, 2013

Golden Globes 2013

Oh, the joyous event that is the Golden Globes. I have an obvious place in my heart for the beloved Academy Awards, but the Golden Globes hold an almost equally large sized place in my heart. The Golden Globes, as everyone knows, is the more fun awards show. People of TV and movies come together to drink, win awards and drink some more. What more could one ask for in a live televised event? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, except for Leonardo DiCaprio to win a damn award, but more on that later. Now, onto one of my favorite parts of the night... The clothes. Duh.
Surprisingly enough, it was Kate Hudson who won my vote of Best Dressed of the Night. She looked flawless in this Alexander McQueen dress. I adored everything about it.
My second Best Dressed of the Night went to Mrs. Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, who looked gorgeous in this Vivienne Westwood gown. Sometimes I have difficulty with red gowns on a red carpet, but this just worked. Everything about it worked. Ugh, she looked stunning. Also, real talk, this is one marriage in Hollywood that I truly hope lasts forever and ever.
When I saw Kerry Washington in this Miu Miu dress I actually gasped. It's so delicate and just plain gorgeous. I love it. I love it so much.
When I saw my husband, Leonardo DiCaprio, I also gasped but for different reasons. He's so pretty I want to cry. I think that next year, when he's nominated again (For "The Great Gatsby," obviously) and when he (finally) wins, they should just have a camera on his cute little face the entire time. I'd totally watch a Leo cam. Right? I'll e-mail NBC about this.
Okay. I have a few things to say about Jennifer Lawrence. First off, I screamed when she won. I was so so happy for her! She definitely deserved it. Also, if you still haven't seen "Silver Linings Playbook" I don't know what you're doing with your life. You should really reevaluate things. Second, I am having a love/hate relationship with this Dior Haute Couture gown. I love the color, I love the metallic belt and I love the silhouette. I do not, however, love the cups under her boobs. I actually, in fact, hate them. They are so distracting. I am very distraught about them because if they were gone this would actually have been so perfect. But whatever, we still have the Oscars.
Speaking of optimism and "We still have the Oscars," let's talk about Jessica Chastain. Oh, my heart. I am very torn up about this. I obviously, am so happy she won, first off. But I need to talk about everything that's going on here. Okay, I love the color of her Calvin Klein dress, but that's about it. A lot of the guests were having problems with their boobs. For example, Jennifer Lawrence's tear ducts under her boobs. (That's what I'm calling them, I don't know the correct term. Boob cups?) This dress makes Jessica look saggy and I saw "Lawless" so I know for a fact that this is false advertising. Her makeup is flawless and she looked happy the entire night, so I'm happy for her, but I am praying to the heavens that she just wows me next month at the Oscar's. Please, please, please.
A lot of people had mixed reviews about Lucy Liu's Carolina Herrera gown. I, for one, actually loved it. The floral print was just loud enough for me to want to wear it forever and ever.
Can we talk about how Katharine McPhee managed to perfect the perfect (Yeah, that happened...) "sexy without being slutty" look? Because she perfected it real nice. Or whatever. I love this Olivier Theyskens for Theory dress. Everything stayed in place and she didn't try to milk the slit like some other people *cough* Halle Berry *cough*. I just love this.
Amy Adams + Marchesa = Perfection, absolute perfection. She's so cute, I want her to braid my hair and tell me stories.
Okay, I am having mixed feelings about Anne Hathaway's Chanel dress. It looked like it was two separate pieces, but then when she got up and won her award (Giving a speech that made me roll my eyes at least 8 times) it looked like there was a zipper going down her back. Really unclear about the situation. Also unclear about her as a person, she was really annoying and I don't think she was drunk.
I don't know why Nicole Richie was there still. I don't even remember her being a presenter... Her Naeem Khan dress is just whatever to me. It's very "her" which I like, but it's boring. Also, I don't think her fringe clutch goes with this dress at all. Shut that down now.
I really don't like Giuliana Rancic's Celia Kritharioti dress, you guys. It's just so much velvet, first off, and the top is making her boobs look saggy. I don't know what that is, it just kept happening all night. So rude, dresses, so rude. And the material under her arms was sheer, but kind of flared out, so when she was giving the interviews it looked like her skin was peeling and it was giving me chills. Not good chills. I did, however, get good chills from her hair and her hair pin. So chic!
I am not Claire Danes' #1 fan. I realized that it all stems from her getting to make-out with 90's Leonardo DiCaprio in "Romeo + Juliet." I really think that's where my dislike comes from. It's just not fair, you guys. BUT I do have to give it to her. While I don't love this Valentino gown, she looks stunning in it. She gave birth one month ago. ONE MONTH. Like, she gave birth to a human child and still looks better than a majority of us. I don't get it.
I adore Emily Blunt but I'm not feeling this. I'm just really over cut-outs, you guys.
Okay, this is going to make me sound like a hypocrite considering I literally just typed the words "I'm over cut-outs," but Kristen Wiig looks so pretty! I want her to be my best friend/Mom/sister. I'm really not picky, any will do.
You know I have my days with Zooey Deschanel. Today was one of those days. Now, I like her in this Oscar de la Renta gown in theory, but I don't actually like it. If that makes any sense. What is really throwing me off is the pearls she's wearing. I love pearls, but I actually hate this. I hate this so much. It cheapens the look for me and I'm not digging it one bit.
POWER COUPLE. I love that they are married. Daniel Craig, ahem James Bond, and Rachel Weisz are just too pretty. I'm not sure I'm in love with her Louis Vuitton dress though. I love the polka dots, but I don't know if I love the actual dress itself. Shame.
I still like Taylor Swift, but I need someone to have a talk with her about her loser face. She gave Adele a nice little bitchface when she won. Taylor, honey, you can't win ALL the awards ALL the time, okay? I really think someone should send her the "FRIENDS" episode where Joey is nominated for a Soapie Award and he has to practice his gracious loser face. Ugh one of the best episodes, by far. Also, I'm not in love with her Donna Karan gown. I like the color and the train, but I don't like the top. It's boring. It's also really, really wrinkled.
I really liked Julianne Hough's Monique Lhuillier gown on the red carpet, but the more I look at it, the more I start talking myself out of it. I'm unclear about it now. Just ignore me.
While I'm not Julia Louis-Dreyfus' biggest fan, I am completely obsessed with this Vera Wang gown. It's gorgeous! This was easily another favorite of the night, by far.
I don't know why Jennifer Lopez, I'm sorry J. Lo, was in attendance other than to have people Tweet "Cut to J LO" when Ben Affleck won his (well-deserved) Golden Globe. Also, I don't like her Zuhair Murad gown, so there's that.
I'm upset at how much I loved Hayden Panettiere's gown. Like I'm actually annoyed by it, but it's so pretty, you guys. It's gorgeous.
Another year, another Elie Saab dress, another awards show in which Lea Michele appears to be trying too hard. I still like her though, despite my better judgement. We'll talk more about that later. I guess.
I heart Marion Cotillard, so much, but I'm not in love with this Dior Haute Couture dress. It looks like a towel. I do, however, like the metallic belt. That's about it though because don't even get me started on her weird colored shoes, okay? Okay.
Megan Fox literally just had a baby and she already looks like this. Life is not fair, my friends. Her Dolce & Gabbana gown is quite gorgeous too. Whatever. She doesn't deserve anymore compliments from me.
AHHHHHHHH. Can we talk about how great Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were as hosts? Oh. My. Gosh. I need them to host every awards show from now until the end. Okay? Okay. Also, Tina's hair looks amazeballs, so there's that. This dress is fine, I'm not too in love but it's better than it could've been, so that's a plus. Right?
Okay, as perfect as Amy Poehler was tonight, I don't like anything about this Stella McCartney get-up. Yep, "get-up" just happened. Let's pretend it didn't though.
I cannot stop rolling my eyes at this. I hate every single damn thing about Halle Berry's dress. Oh my gosh, it's actually the worst thing ever. I hate it. I hate the slit, the midriff, the colors, the unnecessary extra fabric. It's horrid. Sorry I'm not sorry.

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