Ugh. Let the Liz Lemon eyerolls begin. I was thisclose to not blogging about the Video Music Awards because I was so annoyed/repulsed by all of it, but I figured I must. But seriously, oh my gosh. It was so heinous and I didn't even watch it, my friends. I followed a few people on Twitter who were live Tweeting and I heard just about enough to stop me from watching it. And anyway, I hate MTV with quite a big piece of my heart. With that being said...
Yes. Beyonce is pregnant. I am half really excited to meet baby BeyonceJay-Z and half kind of disappointed at the fact she announced it like this. But it was pointed out to me that it was a good job on her PR's behalf. Enough of that though, I do really like her Lanvin dress and she is glowing. She is my choice for best dressed of the night.
Pros: Katy Perry is adorable. I love her pink hair. I love that her pink hair matches her pink shoes. Cons: Umbrella. This Atelier Versace outfit. I loathe it.
So, I actually really like Selena Gomez's Julien MacDonald gown. Yeah, it's a little much and at first I was like "Homegirl, where is your neck?!" But it has grown on me. I love her gold accessories too and by that I mainly mean her shoes. They are gorgeous.
WHAT. THE. WHAT. Yes, I am so flabbergasted, I am not even going to use a question mark. Seriously, what is going on? I do love Justin Bieber's cheetah print shoes, but his top half makes him look like he's a 50 year old woman what with the necklaces, pins and glasses, his hands make him look like a crazy snake man and his bottom half makes him look like a Jonas Brother, only in their times of tight red pants and skinny ties. I legitimately do not understand any of this.
Um. Lady Gaga showed up as her alter-ego Jo Calderone. It is the STRANGEST thing. I think the Fuggirls described it perfectly "I'm sure it's deeply significant that after being reborn inside a giant womb at last year's VMAs, this year Gaga showed up swaddled in testosterone and acted like kind of a dick. (Seriously, she made Britney's acceptance speech all about her.)"
Evidently Nicki Minaj got in a nasty fight with Muppets. And then she got in a fight in JoAnn's. And then she got in a fight with more arts supplies because like, yeah. I don't even know but she definitely got into a little tiff with someone considering this outfit is a hot mess. Nay, hot mess doesn't even BEGIN.
Everyone was Tweeting angry Tweets towards Demi Lovato on Sunday night calling her fat. Let me just say, it is NEVER okay to talk about someone's weight. NEVER. I mean, okay, you can discuss it really quick, but do not say mean things about it and never tell them. That is one of the worst things you can do in my book. So, that being said, I do not agree. (Although, she admitted she gained weight after getting out of rehab for an eating disorder). Yes, she is volumptuous, but she's flaunting it. And yes, maybe she should flaunt it less, and by less I mean a looser dress, perhaps, but as long as she's healthy, that's okay. Okay, guys?
Um, why was Katie Holmes there and why, oh why did she wear these shoes? But more importantly why was she there?
Oh, Britney darling. She is precious. She looks so uncomfortable which makes me really sad. Her shoes also make me sad too, but for different reasons, but her hair and makeup is flawless.
I don't know who Kreayshawn is. I don't know why she spells her name like that. I don't know how to pronounce her name. I don't know why she only has tattoos on one arm. I don't know why she is wearing Disney Characters on her body. I think only Katy Perry could pull this off. I don't know why she is wearing tennis shoes with a sequined dress. I DO NOT know why she walked outside with her hair like this. SO many things I don't know.
You know, good for Adele. She's not wearing things which make her uncomfortable. HOWEVER, I wish she wore color. Do we know how great she would look in an eggplant or mustard? And no, I didn't pick those colors because they're my favorite of the season. Hm, Adele, let me help you?
I feel like Drake Bell is going to be the new Ryan Cabrera. He was cute years ago. Every 13 year old girl had like, a secret conversation with themselves like "Aw, he's cute. I could kiss him." But now. He wears red pants, weird fedoras and he has two (visible) tattoos which is what Ryan Cabrera started off with and now he looks like, well, you know. If you don't know, you should Google him. Once Drake Bell decides to dye his hair, it's all downhill from there.
JoJo wore a Marco Marco dress and I am thinking no no. I don't know. That was a sad attempt at a joke. But you get what I am saying. It's not good. It has wings, my friends. WINGS. And her hair doesn't look great this dark. She needs to lighten it. Lighten her hair and maybe her wardrobe a little, no?
I am having problems. And not because I hate this, which I don't. But I am looking at the picture of Ashley Rickards (That random girl from that random MTV show "Awkward." I watched like, 5 minutes and then realized I hated MTV and it was boring.) on the Go Fug Yourself blog and in their picture she is wearing black pumps. Here she is wearing nude. I AM SO CONFUSED. Does she have a fairy godmother like in "Sleeping Beauty?" You know, the ones who change the color of Aurora's dress? Or did she change her shoes in the middle of the carpet? Oh wait, maybe on Go Fug Yourself she is at an afterparty? But either way, I don't know why she is wearing two different shoes. If you are going to change for an afterparty, wouldn't you just change your dress? Whatever, I like her dress. A lot. It's super cute. But the shoes, the shoes are confusing me especially considering the fact I like the black ones better. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Um, no Kim Kardashian. Just, no.
Um, no JWoww. Just no.
HOLY NO, Snooki. What on Earth?
HOLY HELL NO random other cast member from "Jersey Shore." HOLY NO. Granted, I have only watched about two handfuls of episodes of "Jersey Shore" until I realized I legitimately could not handle it. It made me feel proud of myself - for not being a skanky drunk mess - but it also made me feel stupid for a) Watching the show and b) Watching MTV. So, with that being said, I don't remember this girl's name, because I don't care, but I am going to re-name her Rainbow Brite. I think that's fair.